Thomas Mbajjwe- Random reflections/thoughts

Wednesday, 23rd October, 2019 (Ashinaga Uganda)

On Animal Rights;

1:57 PM- A few moments ago, I went out to a shop near the Juku to grab myself an after-lunch drink as is becoming my custom.

On my way back, my attention was drawn to loud cheering as a small crowd formed. Beside a relatively busy murram road, two young ladies had just mounted a camel’s back and were screaming in excitement as the beast routinely lifted them to unusual heights.

A few men took pictures of the women who appeared quite ecstatic about the experience. After about a minute of strolling about on the camel’s back, a man roughly jerked the camel’s neck downward using the halter around its neck. After a moment of instinctive protest, the animal calmly — almost dutifully — obliged, bending its front and hind knees until it was low enough for the women to safely get off its back.

In that moment I thought, just how many times had this animal had to endure this clearly arduous pattern? What was the weight of the burden it had supported to this day? While I did not have the answers, I knew one thing — I hated the expression that I saw on that camel’s face; something didn’t sit well with me. I will admit that I have not yet clearly put a finger on the wrongness I found in this, and I know many would argue that the animal’s natural adaptation allows for such heavy work, even in much harsher conditions. Nonetheless, I couldn’t help but wonder if, in this context, human enjoyment and utility were rightfully more valuable than the animal’s possible resignation to its state of nature, free of this burden.

And I know that the various seemingly rational propositions for the rightness of the act — arguments of animals’ adaption to specialized tasks; to some, their said inferior hierarchical stature vis-à-vis humans’ ;their inability to consent or express demurral (the irony) — make it hard to establish the moral blameworthiness in this scenario, but… (I need to figure out how to complete this thought)

I am neither forging any conclusions with certainty at this time, but rather taking note of this episode because (for whatever reason) it feels right. Indeed, for whatever feelings of unease I might have felt at the sight, I am yet to fully formulate a logical reflection that would grant rational legitimacy to my conviction (And if I may add, I speak of a conviction beyond that formed in my heart upon hearing arguments for and against similar occurrences as is rife in popular discourse on this matter). Simply put, I have ventured to hear out arguments for and against and my heart and mind remain torn in their allegiance to either position. I seek reasons to win my mind to seeing the wrongness I feel toward this.

Sunday 3rd November, 2019

On Africa

2:34AM

It is a habit for me to stick material that means a lot to me at a given point on a wall in my bedroom- favoriting notes, to-do lists, verses, and on.

Tonight, two things strike me. On the wall is a poster I used for my University SRC Presidential campaign;

Right below it is this…

A 5 Billion dollars note issued by the reserve bank of Zimbabwe at the height of the 2008 inflation crisis. I am reminded of the great responsibility that lies on this generation’s shoulders toward this continent of Africa, specifically to our countries’ economies.

To the generation that secured our political freedom from imperialism, we thank you. To those that fought to establish our sovereignty as African states — unchaining our nations from the chains of colonialism, we thank you. But now is the time for our generation to roll up our sleeves and get to serious work strengthening our economies. This is a task that we can only accomplish as a continent, with no respect for the artificially-constructed and imposed borders that to this day create unwarranted hurdles in the path to the political and economic progress of Africa. (ACFTA) #OneAfrica #TradeWithTheWorldAsOneAfrica #NegotiateDealsAsOneAfrica.

Sunday 3rd November, 2018

Thank you, Wada…

Wednesday, 6th November, 2019

10:43PM

Strolling on the streets of Nansana trying to find something for dinner, I saw a woman carrying a baby (appeared at least 10 months old) on her back, and a bulging black bag in front over her chest. Simply put, she looked done for.

I felt sad. When will we help the plight of the African woman?!

Monday 23rd November, 2020

I loved this quote:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.” (Marianne Williamson, “A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles”)

I could as well have said these words… The relatability is unbelievable!

Source: Quora

I’m an INTJ, and I’ve been married to an INFP for many years. I’m going to write these thoughts to my wife, but write them with a mind for them to express the INTJ in me reflecting on the INFP in her. Pieces of this will be specific to the two of us, but I think there will be many broadly-applicable concepts that make this, perhaps, worth the read.

• Your capacity for wonder is inspiring. “Childlike” is a good descriptor. It’s beautiful, watching you fall in love with something. So pure, so free of layers of analysis and abstraction. You don’t really need to understand what you love. I have absolutely no idea what that’s like, but it’s fascinating, and it’s utterly you.
• It’s a relief you don’t need to understand that which you love raptly and obsessively. I don’t think you’ll ever truly understand me, but that isn’t an obstacle for you. You love not-understanding me, and given how much not-understanding vexes me, that’s high praise indeed, in my worldview. I am valuable to you as an ongoing, possibly eternal, mystery.
• You like to listen, even to my compulsive need to explain, chart, map, reduce aspects of the world to equations and functions that can be expressed abstractly and symbolically. You admire my ability to do this, and sometimes, you even adopt the perspectives I take time to illustrate and convey.
• You understand that I’m not “cold” and “inhuman.” You recognize the “I love you” inherent in every single “I’ve got you”/”I’ve got this”/”I’m on it” in our relationship. You recognize that this is *how* I love you, and that it isn’t full of Hollywood symbols and the language of romance as taught by Madison Avenue doesn’t mean that it isn’t real. In fact…it’s how I demonstrate how real it is. I do not love you a box of chocolates and a long-stemmed rose’s worth. I love you an “I’ve got this, you rest”’s worth.
• You have come to accept my need for silence, even though it’s very alien to you. Thank you so much, for that. Thank you for respecting my need for uninterrupted INTx time…often, even constantly.
• It was so alien to you to accept that I don’t talk to share feelings. You must have found me so frustrating, for that. I feel, but I don’t make mouth-noises as part of my feeling process, screams of pain when I drop a tool on my foot aside. I do not revisit feelings, save through the lens of thinking about them. My process, therefore, is analytical instead of vicarious. That’s downright inconceivable to you; you relive feelings, but I simply think about what they mean. Thank you for not thinking me “heartless.” You know I have a heart; you’ve both delighted it and broken it, over the years. (And that’s okay. That happens, in a relationship. I’m not calling you out for it.) But instead of trying to pressure me to “stop thinking and just feel,” you recognize my thinking about feelings for what it is: how I feel.
• We share introversion. We share the weight of tatamae, its edges cutting into our honne beneath. We share the need to recharge away from crowds, away from meaningless, banal chitchat. You seem to thrive on a little of this, with the right people…I prefer a chitchat-free diet. But I understand your extremely-low-chitchat diet, and I sympathize powerfully with your need to detach, withdraw, and recharge.
• We share intuition. We don’t understand small-minded conformity-for-conformity’s-sake. We find groupthink exhausting, and find the urge to form unnecessary consensus baffling. We find the geek “fight club” of “correct” opinion-holding so exhausting that we’ve both distanced ourselves from the labels “geek” and “fan,” out of distaste for “ha ha, only serious” opinion-policing. We explore ideas, and we’re the sorts of people who like to explore the possible interpretations of works of art…not simply the artist’s own opinion. We wonder why, for example, people approach imaginative games like Dungeons and Dragons…only to obsessively, pedantically bicker about “fair and balanced” rules, and “linear versus quadratic” advancement, and “crunch vs. fluff.” I’m sorry. My wife and I will be having tea with the dragons while you S-types obsess over “balance” and “fairness.” (And if you tell us that the rules state otherwise, I will encourage you to ask Max Landis’ father how to kill a vampire.[1])
• I think; you feel. I will dissect situations. I can hug you, yes, but you will find that hugs are the weakest of Band-Aids for me; I appreciate them, but I need medical assistance, and for me, that will always mean reflection, understanding, putting the matter to rest intellectually. When we were nastily betrayed by mutual friends some years ago, you wanted emotional appeasement. You wanted them to experience consequences for their actions. You wanted them to be exposed as hypocrites, liars, cowards. I just wanted to understand exactly what had happened. My peace would come from turning a hurtful mystery into a coherent event narrative that I could explain, if asked. You wanted to know how they dared speak so poorly of us. I wanted to know from what perspective their accusations made sense. You craved justice. I craved understanding, and through it, letting go.
• And yet, we make a great team, don’t we? When you’re too hurt to feel anymore, I think. When I’m too hurt to think anymore, and what comes out of me is the choked, confused “How come he don’t want me?” of Will Smith’s character in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, you silently understand. You never judge me for reaching the end of my ability to stay level. It rarely happens, but when it has, I’ve been so grateful for you, standing there, when my intellectual “legs” gave out.
• I judge, you perceive. I want to swim; you want to float. I want schedules, lists, order. You want freedom from them. I’m the project manager; you want to treat everything like art, that gets done when it gets done. You like to do what you feel; I like to do what I think. I manage; you want to self-manage. You want to suspend processing the task queue; I want to completely empty it. I never stop working; you resent the encroachment of work into your leisure time.
• You’re very emotionally sensitive. When something bothers you, understanding why your feelings are misleading you doesn’t seem to comfort you. I tend to think of feelings as a sort of “check engine light” on my dashboard — yes, the light’s meant to tell you that something might need checking, but the light itself isn’t the problem, and it’s entirely possible for an engine to throw misleading codes. Over the years, you’ve grown more and more comfortable with my “think it through” approach, and when you commented to our niece that you were grateful, in your own words, that “one of us could be adult about it”…I cannot begin to tell you how touched I was. Knowing that you saw value in my strategy, even when it didn’t always bring you comfort…knowing that you appreciated what I was doing…utterly made my day.
• Sometimes, your…stamina, I think, is the best word for it…for the length of time it takes for me to convey a large idea runs out before I’ve conveyed the idea. It frustrates me, especially when I catch your eyes drifting longingly to the television or something else fast-loud-and-flashy for “combo breaker” function, and I’m grateful that you’ve come to realize that it’s not a matter of my not “getting to the point,” it’s that some points take a whole book to express, and well and truly, not a letter of it’s trimmable fat. This said, I’m touched that you try at all. Most people don’t, and so, most people think that I “just like to drone on and never get to the point.” You’ve gotten some of my points, by right of simply listening long enough, processing long enough. It’s not that I don’t have short, concise points, too…it’s that we exchanged those, long ago and easily.
• Sometimes, you worry that you’re not there, in my silence. Believe me, you are. Look at how wide my “personal space” perimeters are, how few I allow in, close…how rarely I do that. You’re here. You’re here when it’s uncomfortable for me to have anyone here. I gave you that. I gave you the right to be closer to me than I will ever truly find comfortable…and from an INTJ, that is the clearest declaration of love there is. I want you to know that the space around me also belongs to you.

A bit more personal than I expected, but there’s a great deal of INTJ-to-INFP thoughts and feelings in there. I hope it helps to answer your question.

Footnotes

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To fall madly in love or to ignore it all completely?

What does it feel like to be an INTJ?

https://www.quora.com/What-does-it-feel-like-to-be-an-INTJ-1

Imagine growing up in the wild, raised by wolves. Ever since you became cognizant you knew there was something different about you, but you didn’t know quite what it was. The other wolves are guarded around you, and act as if you are somehow dangerous. Sometimes three or four of them would bully you, so you end up spending lots of time alone in the woods. Not because they scare you, but because you simply can’t be bothered. Fear isn’t a feeling that you have ever known.

Then one day you come across a pool of water, and in the moonlit reflection you see your face. And you know what? You’re not a wolf at all. You’re a Black Panther. A predator among predators.

Suddenly the way the other wolves treated you makes sense! Unfortunately, you’ve never met another Panther before. You don’t know who you are, or how you’re supposed to act. So you have no choice but to leave the pack. Life alone becomes a lot easier. There is a calmness in the depths of your mind that is so much more enjoyable undisturbed.

Friendship between animals has always been based on strength. Humans are no different. When there is a gap in power, whether physical or mental, there can be no equality. Call it evolution if you must. We always sort ourselves in comparison to others from the strongest to the weakest. This is how symbiotic relationships form. A weaker animal with a special skill teams up with a stronger animal, and they exchange favors. This is one of the best relationships that can happen. Even the strongest have gaps in their abilities.

The best possible relationship for an INTJ is someone who is on the same level. This is difficult to find because many people try to play up, and consequently pull you down. This feels like friendship at first, but then you notice how draining they are.

If you are an INTJ and you haven’t seen your reflection yet, maybe it’s time to look in the mirror. Then you should take some time to walk alone. After that, find your soul family. Then, form your symbiotic relationships. You will come across cling-on beta wolves, but you have to learn how to distinguish them and kick them to the curb. They will smile in your face and nip at your heels. These types of people want to siphon your strength for themselves. I promise, you do not need them.

Each person in your life needs to have a purpose, and you need to serve a purpose for them. Symbiosis is fair and natural. Evolve together.

What does being a realized INTJ feel like? It feels like satisfaction.

If you liked this answer you may like:

Bryce Raymond’s answer to Can people with high IQs easily predict what others have?